Sometimes, I just wish that I could go all out of control and cry as hard as I could so that the tears could wash away every single bit of despair of my life. I don’t know how long more I could take this and I don’t know who actually cares, and what it matters now is I feel like I am a complete fucked up that I don’t even deserve to go to hell. Screw all the thoughts I save for others while it’s getting so cheap people won’t even care about. Screw all the acting nice I am trying that eventually put me in a situation I could hardly say no. Screw everything I care that eventually walk out of my life I don’t even have a chance to say goodbye.

If there’s God up there, thanks for giving me this miserable life that I could hardly enjoy, instead, I have to make fun of myself to feel better. And if You are kind enough, please take it back before I murder anyone else before taking my own life. THANK YOU IF YOU HEAR ME OR SEE THIS.

So Long

The reason I have to stay strong, is to prevent myself from being weak again.


There is no one I could rely on, whenever I need a shoulder;
There is nothing I could be certain, when I was to make a decision;
There is no time for me to hesitate, when I must move on;
This is life, and this is my life, like it or not, I can’t just end it because it’s not just mine, no matter how much I would want to.


If there was a reason I would wanna live on,
Would be the smile on her face, though it’s not for me;
Would be the words everyone said, though sometimes it disheartened;
Would be the love they showered on me, though it comes with a price;
But what could I expect more? When there’s already hopeless and I could not even shed a tear.


2001, I lost faith in friendship;
2003, I lost faith in love;
2008, I lost faith in hope;
2010, I lost faith in family;
2011, I lost faith in myself;
I don’t know what else can I lose after all these years.


I wish something can claim my soul, so to prove that it’s still valuable.